All parents would love to see their children at the top of their class, however, the reality is, some kids are higher academic achievers than others. But an F on an exam paper does not equal an F (for Failure) in later life, as long as you constructively handle your child’s underachievement.

“Underachievement is defined as a discrepancy between a child’s school performance and some index of his or her actual ability, such as intelligence, achievement, or creativity score, or observational data” - Davis and Rimm 1985

First things first, you need to identify the root cause of your child’s underachievement at school.

These could be some of the causes:

• Fear of failure, fear of success

• Fear of lack of acceptance by peer group

• Undetected learning disabilities

• Lack of basic skills and study habits

• Inappropriate educational activities

• Lack of opportunity in society

• Too high or too low expectations of parents

• Lack of parental support for education

• Fear of overshadowing parent

• Passive-aggression toward parent

• Low frustration tolerance

• Lack of impulse control

• Low risk-taking abilities

• Lack of competitiveness - Boredom

• Guilt for being advanced intellectually

• Interests in activities other than school

• Cumulative deficits and belief in failure

Once you’ve identified the cause of your child’s underachievement, you need to come up with the right approach to solve it, delicately and constructively.

Boost their confidence 

We all compare ourselves to other people and children are no different to us. Make sure to remind our kids of their strengths and the qualities, skills and abilities that make them special. Also, never tell them off for not doing something that their sibling, cousin or friend has done and instead applaud them for the good things that they (not others) have done. 

Let them decide

Sometimes it’s a good idea to ask your children what THEY think the cause behind their underachievement is. After all, no one knows you better than you know yourself and even as a child, your instincts are capable of telling you where you’re going wrong. They might just come up with the perfect solution to resolve this problem. 

Bust any self-doubt

When your kid has done horribly on an exam, don’t give them a hard time. They might say things like “I’m stupid and I’m never ever going to get an A,” and that’s when you’ll remind them that at least they tried, trying is what matters, and challenging one’s self to do better each time is what lets them reach for the stars.

Lobby for their hobbies

So they might not be the best at maths or science but they could be the next best-selling author! Find out what their hobbies are and if they have any hidden talents, then invest in those for the future. Many kids end up using their theatrical, modelling, singing, handicraft, and other skills in their future careers because university is not for everyone.

Don’t be a Nagging Nancy

It’s bad enough that your child is feeling that they’re not good enough, they don’t need to hear that from the person who loves them most. Avoid Nagging, threatening or lecturing, but communicate nicely that you expect them to try hard in order to be fair to themselves. 

If all else fails…

Use counselling

There’s no shame in talking to a professional if you feel that your child is not being responsive to any of the solutions above, or any other solutions that you’ve come up with. A qualified counsellor will identify the specific cause of your child’s underachievement and hopefully come up with a supportive strategy for them to follow.