By: Rasha el Sheikh

I’m a child from a family of six children. Living in Germany, my mother, who had chosen to set her career aside in favour of her children, had no help raising us whatsoever; not from a cleaning lady nor a nanny.

We grew up with household chores divided amongst us according to age and preference. We loved our responsibilities. As for raising us, my mother and father did it all by themselves and they succeeded at it. When I got married at the age of 22, I wanted to do things exactly the way my parents did. So with the arrival of my first child, I took a vow as a young mother to be the one and only person responsible for the needs of my baby.

At that time, I lived in Saudi Arabia. I had taken maternity leave from work to take care of my baby, my husband, the huge house we had just moved into, my daily routine, my newly-established social life and to somehow take care of myself. I thought I had it all under control. I soon realized that I had set my margins – as a wife, housewife and mother – too high. The result: a terrible mess! That was when my husband and I decided to hire a stay-in nanny. With time, she gained my complete trust and I threw overboard the vows I had made in regards to the way I would raise my child.

With the arrival of my second child, the nanny had become a part of the family. My daughters were attached to her as much as they were to me. I got back to work and my social life. Yet I tried to keep a close eye on how much of a mother I want her to be. When being blessed with a great nanny, you take the risk of stepping over the very fine line between staying a full-time mom and turning into a part-time mama.  

Once I asked a friend of mine, whose child was suffering from a bad stomachache, what he had eaten during the day. This is when she turned to her nanny and asked her what her son ate that day.

Growing up, I had never heard of spending "quality time" with your child. My parents' generation and those before them did their own version of parenting. Nowadays, we need books and guides, sometimes even counselling, on how to deal with our children. We are not talking about half a dozen children – sometimes it is even the single child that troubles our existence.

Walking through the country club that I'm a member of, I find many young mothers enjoying a cup of coffee while chit-chatting with their friends. They look beautiful in their classy clothes and their great hairdos. Many of them reach their original weight shortly after giving birth. Truly amazing! And yet, I never see them playing in the sand with their children.

Once I asked a friend of mine, whose child was suffering from a bad stomachache, what he had eaten during the day. This is when she turned to her nanny and asked her what her son ate that day. And that's when it hit me! What level of motherhood have we reached when we cannot even list what our children have eaten on a given day? Do we truly know how they love to play without consulting the nanny? What is it our toddlers whisper into our nannies’ ears when they comfort them after a tantrum?

In school, I once asked my students whom they would show their artwork to first once they get home. Nine out of twenty-one children named their nanny. That’s a huge number. So here is my plea to all the mothers out there: your babies will outgrow their diapers, their terrible twos and their unstructured sleep; grasp the years that run by too fast and enjoy your children. Carry them instead of your Gucci bags because only your children will reward you for life.

*Original article appeared on whatWomenwant-mag.com