Mothers’ Stories

Stop asking me when I'm going to have a girl!

Stop asking me when I'm going to have a girl!
Published : October 01 , 2018
Latest Update : September 25 , 2023
Sarah Shafagoj, a proud mama to three boys 10, 8 and 2.5,  She studied marketing at the University of Jordan and she is... more

Are you a mom to boys, girls or both? Or are you a mom to an only child?

Well, whatever the gender or number of your kids is, I salute you. You are doing a great job regardless.

I am a mother of three wonderful boys but my issue here is the pressure of being told: "Oh, you should try for a girl now!" 

Whenever I mention how many boys I have, people around me make sure to let me know that having a girl is a must, and I imagine that mothers of girls get the same comments as well. 

I've always wanted a girl and I honestly wish I had one, plus having three boys is a handful but raising either gender is a great responsibility. I love my kids endlessly, so why the pressure?

People tend to claim, based on their own experiences, that a girl would be yours forever. She is the one who will help you out at home and she will be more passionate and caring whenever you get sick, tired or are in need. But for God's sake, give me a break. Why do people have to assume that you will be missing out on something if you're not blessed with children of either gender? I know there is probably some truth to their claim but this doesn't mean that there is anything wrong with your current situation. 

a mother with her three kids in a pool
My boys and I

And to all the moms of girls out there, I'm sure you go through this too, though I'm not sure what your experience is like. You have to bring an heir to the family. What a shame that you only have girls. How sad for your husband to not have a son to carry on his legacy? Unfortunately, we no longer consider other people's feelings anymore. 

Some women go through a lot of physical and emotional pain because of this. What is the point of having to go through so many pregnancies (and the whole hassle that comes with them) just to bear that missing wonder child - not to forget that some women also go through artificial insemination.

I am not saying that there is anything wrong with wanting and working on conceiving a girl or a boy, this is a private and personal matter for all couples. 

But what gives others the right to interfere? That is what I am trying to understand.

When is the shame of having only girls going to come to an end?

When will the stereotype of "boys not belonging to you when you're older" going to end?

As for how I deal with it, it is not that easy, but I do try to get my boys involved in house chores like making their beds, helping with laundry, tidying up their toys and so on.

I remember when I got sick one time, they were very helpful and caring, trying to make me comfortable in any way they could.

3 kids doing the laundry
My boys trying to help me out with house chores

I try to make them understand that boys and girls have the same responsibilities when it comes to their parents and what is expected of them at home.

Another major issue in our society that I would like to tackle, as well, is the double standards that we have for both genders. The idea that a boy can have more freedom like late curfews, fewer matters to tend to at home, not being asked where he was and what he did, while a girl faces more boundaries and restrictions, more chores at home, expected to help out more while having less freedom to do other things, is unacceptable. 

Yes, a boy will grow to be a tough man, but girls are also tough and they can do wonders.

At the end of the day, we are all human beings; I worry about my boys just like you worry about your girls. 

We should raise them to be loving and compassionate, to be responsible. If you have both boys and girls in your family then you should make it clear that they are treated fairly and maturely. Let us change the norm and start looking at things from a more open, understanding perspective. 

God bless.

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