First Episode: Oblivious  

October 2016 

I have finally got my exercise routine down and it's now become a habit. Throughout my entire adult life, I have never made a habit of exercising until last year after returning from summer vacation and deciding to train for a 10K marathon. It was the perfect time to do this! I had completed my Parent Coach Training and was in an amazing place, parenting-wise. I had been coaching other mothers for a while by then and found my stride, and was about to start with my first group in the coaching program as well. My business was finally up on its feet and past the building phase, and my four children were at an age where none needed constant supervision, none were in pampers and I could travel with them on my own without wanting to pull my hair out. Things were falling into place.

Those who know me well still think of me as the Bessma who juggles way too much at one time and always overbooks every second of her life. However, this school year was different; I scheduled in some home time in order to focus on myself, and as a result, I was calmer and happier and, more importantly, a better mother and wife. Hey, I was even considering joining the Strongest Women Competition taking place in December, which, in a nutshell, is a race involving running, climbing, jumping and other bits you climb over or under (for reasons I cannot tell you)... but it appealed to me. Two months should be enough time to train for it, I think? Either way, I'm going to focus on trying to get fit enough for this run.  

Later that month...

My period was a few days late. I was not too concerned by that because my period hadn't been regular for a few months anyway. I had changed my diet quite a lot this past year, so I imagine this was the reason behind the delay. It required a lot of effort to become healthier: I tried grain-free, Paleo, juice diets - amongst other things - so my body was a little out of its usual self. I took a pregnancy test anyway and got a negative result, so I packed that idea away in the back of my mind, especially since after that, I had some bloody spotting for a few days.

My children are between the ages of four and thirteen. I've always been broody but I knew that if I reached the age of 35 and did not decide to get pregnant on purpose, then that would be it. Thirty-five came and went and in the past few months, I truly accepted the idea of not having another baby. By “accepted” I mean “switched my focus onto all the pros of having older children who are becoming more and more independent." Therefore giving me more and more time to do things outside of the world of mothering; like, for example, training for a 10K run. 

November 2016

India:

Last December, I went to India with my friends for one week and since I returned home all I could think about was taking my two eldest children with me on that same trip. Guess what? This month I did!

The trip was beyond magical. When my two younger children are older - maybe in a couple of years when my youngest turns six and is more independent - we can start having adventures like this with the whole family.

My other children would be nine, twelve, and fifteen. It seriously is going to be a breeze.

One thing that was not okay about India was my stomach. Oh, boy, was that not okay. I am not adventurous when it comes to food but to set an example for my kids I decided to eat everything at least once. I would be fine while I was eating but when the meal was over, I would just feel nauseous. Then towards the end of the trip, I felt it all the time! If I didn't know any better, I would say it was morning sickness... but it was definitely the Indian food.

Riyadh: 

We had been back around a week by then and my nausea had not abated. Also, there's a little mark on my calendar noting that an event had come and gone without my period arriving! (3 days post expected period date with no period showing up).  The thought was obviously lingering in my mind but not clearly enough for me to really acknowledge it... until it was the elephant in the room. I reached the point where I couldn’t ignore it anymore and jumped off the couch at 4.30 pm one afternoon to rush to the pharmacy and pick up a pregnancy test. My husband thought it was really silly (and I felt a bit silly too) because we were sure it was going to be negative. "Wait a few more days and you won't need the test," he said. I laughed and got one anyway.

After I put the kids to bed that night, I took the test. Almost immediately I saw two very vivid lines on the test window. I stared at the two lines that appeared before me and started to cry. To sob, in fact. I walked out of the bathroom and went to my husband who asked me, "What's wrong? What happened?" When I mouthed the words "I'm pregnant" in-between my sobs, he started to laugh. Partly from relief that no one had died and partly, I am sure, from disbelief. I cannot fully explain why I had that reaction. I wanted a baby, I wanted one ever since my youngest turned two. But it seemed like a selfish want. It seemed wrong for me to want to have a fifth and any time we discussed it, logically, we would reach the same conclusion: that four was a good number. We were blessed with our beautiful family and nowadays having a fifth was, well, illogical.

I cried because I was happy and because I felt guilty about being happy. I cried because even though it was unplanned I still felt like I had gone against what we had decided. I cried even more because my husband was happy and smiling, telling me that this is good news. But I just sobbed for hours.

I figured I must be eight weeks pregnant, since, obviously, what I had in India was morning sickness. My husband and I decided to not tell anyone until I had my scan. Firstly, we wanted to be sure that the baby was actually there. Secondly, we wanted to know that baby was doing okay and developing as it should be. We didn't want to have that conversation with our seven and four-year-old where we would have to explain why there is no baby anymore (in case something went wrong during the first trimester). I made an appointment with a new obstetrics/gynecologist as I wasn't prepared to go back to the one who delivered my other four children (I will leave this story for another blog post). I was lucky enough to find an appointment the next day. On the way to the appointment, my husband said: "You know your chances of having twins is higher the older you are when pregnant." I was not amused; I was, at this point, one month shy of my 37th birthday. I won't lie, thinking about my age bothered me, especially since we had just watched Bridget Jones's Diary and they had referred to pregnant women over the age of 35 as "geriatric mothers." I also kept calculating how old I would be at specific milestones and kept comparing how young my youngest would be when my eldest was graduating high school or university. The age thing was in my head and it was bothering me.

My husband and I walked into the clinic and sat in the waiting area where they took my blood pressure and weighed me. We were then introduced to the doctor who had to take my medical history. We went through the birth of each of my four children in detail. "How was the pregnancy?" "How many weeks were you when you delivered?" "C-section or natural?" "Were you induced?" "Were there any complications?" I asked if we could have a scan because, truthfully, I wasn't fully convinced that I was pregnant.

After the 1,001 questions, they ushered us into another small room for the ultrasound. The technician squirted the gel onto my lower abdomen and expertly put the ultrasound whoziwhatsit on the exact right spot where we immediately saw a small see-through creature with a little flickering white dot inside it. She switched on the sound button and we heard the woosh woosh woosh sound of our little baby's heartbeat. Now it was my turn to laugh. I couldn't stop! I laughed so much the technician started laughing and then announced that we had "only one" in my womb, to which both my husband and I laughed even more. It was confirmed, I was eight weeks pregnant. Before we left the clinic, the doctor booked me in for an appointment at ten weeks for some routine blood test to confirm my blood type, check for anemia or any other deficiencies, as well as to check if I was immune to rubella and chickenpox.

I was still in shock and kind of feeling like the women from the "I didn't know I was pregnant" show on TLC. Granted, I found out before I gave birth... but still.

Pregnancy Symptoms 

Keeping in mind that I did not know I was pregnant until week eight, there were some signs that would have been obvious had I looked for them:

• Missed period: 

  Yes, I do not know how I missed this one! However, the combination of messed up periods that I got over the past six months, the spotting and life in general, made me miss it.

• Sleepiness: 

  I could fall asleep anywhere, at any time. And I felt like no matter how much sleep I got, it was never enough. I slept well at night but just couldn’t wake up in the morning.

• Generally feeling bloated:

  This was one of the things that got my attention but I decided to ignore it. I remember one day when I was working out, I got on my stomach to do some superman workout moves and it felt… strange. Like there was something in there… Like it was not ok to do that. I may have been about seven weeks pregnant by then.

• Enhanced sense of smell: 

  EVERYTHING SMELLED BAD. I mean everything, from the detergent we used for washing our clothes to my children’s hair… Thank God that was only temporary.

  My advice to you

• Stop using any perfumes, shampoos, or creams that you like as soon as you find out that you are pregnant.

If you are anything like me, then you will forever associate the smell of those things with your morning sickness, meaning you will feel nauseous every time you use them and effectively ruin them for you for life.

• Make sure to take your pregnancy multi-vitamins every day throughout your pregnancy.

These vitamins contain the folic acid essential for your baby’s development, up until you're twelve weeks pregnant. It is also important to keep taking them to ensure that you are getting your daily dose of necessary vitamins.