By: Samar As a first time mother, I was extremely excited during my pregnancy. I couldn’t wait to meet my little baby girl. I was on Pinterest like literally ALL THE TIME. I got the cute outfits, the princess onesies, the picture perfect nursery with the adorable bedding. I got the bottles, the sterilizer, the pacifiers, the toys, the picture frames, everything! I read the baby books, the educational websites, joined groups and downloaded apps. I remember by my ninth month I walked a lot, I ate too many dates, I even bought those Evening Primrose Oil Pills to induce my labor. I wanted to see my baby. People used to tell me all sorts of stuff. “It’s tough but it will be worth it”, “Sleep before you get the baby”, “buy this”, “buy that”, “say goodbye to freedom” etc. Yes I knew it’s going to be hard work, I knew labor is tough, I knew I will get tired, exhausted, sleep-deprived and at times helpless, I knew everything and I was ready! But what I did not expect is to go through postpartum depression.

It started once I got home, I remember thinking “I’m supposed to be so happy, why am I so sad?”

It started once I got home, I remember thinking “I’m supposed to be so happy, why am I so sad?” I felt like the whole world was tumbling down, I felt like I did a big mistake. Yes, I admit, I felt my baby was a burden, not a blessing. Why is this happening to me? Am I a bad mother? I used to cry all the time. I lost 15 kgs in 2 weeks because I was too sad to eat. I remember my mom feeding me like a baby just so I wouldn’t fall down. Apples, I remember a lot of apples! It’s all I could put in my mouth. I cried non-stop. My baby woke up? I cry. My baby slept? I cry. My baby wants to nurse? I cry. My mom carried my baby? I cry. My husband sneezed? I cry. What is wrong with me? I thought I was ready! So what happened? It got better. And if you are going through this too, trust me when I say it will get better. It will get easy, your daughter will smile, she will sleep, you will handle it better and you will be a great mom. I think my depression was based on the fact that my labor was not easy, I was so tired and sleep-deprived and scared. I did not expect this level of exhaustion. But as time passed and things got easier so did my depression.

“If someone offers to help, let them, let them put the baby to sleep, let them feed the baby, let them change the diapers, go out for a coffee and leave the baby with someone you trust, get help”.

What helped me, is in fact, help. I remember getting a call from a friend who heard I was going through postpartum depression, and she told me “If someone offers to help, let them, let them put the baby to sleep, let them feed the baby, let them change the diapers, go out for a coffee and leave the baby with someone you trust, get help”. That is exactly what I did. I started realizing that no, my life is not over, I’m not the first mother in the world nor will I be the last, if other women can make it, I can. Believe in yourself, know that it will get easier and that it will get fun and that you will sleep more and eat healthier and go back to your pre-pregnancy weight. I started enjoying motherhood, the good parts and the hard parts. With every step I got over I felt happier, prouder and stronger. I made mistakes but I learnt from them. And I think this is what being a mother is, trying to work through the mistakes you make till you get it right. The love for your child will in fact help you in every step. If you do go through postpartum depression, please be strong, you can’t get everything perfect from the first try. Oh and forget those Pinterest pictures, you don’t need all these things to know you are a good mother, you already are.